I’m a stickler for etiquette and rules when it comes to golf.  If you’re not, you should be.  If you don’t think it’s “important”, it IS.  If you don’t know the “finer things” about the sport, learn them for your own benefit as well as the benefit of those you play with.

There’s a fine line between being respectful of the game and the inherent intricacies that go along with it… and being a jerk.  Here’s my Top 10 list of things that I don’t want to have to deal with when playing:

1. SLOW PLAY – This one is huge and it effects everyone in your group and everyone BEHIND you.  You NEVER want to be the slowest player in your group.. so don’t be.  EVER!  What kind of a pompous ass do you have to be to think it’s OK to play slow and not do anything to speed up?  Do you think because you paid your money to play you can just take your time and back up the entire course?  And you wonder why people don’t want to play with you?  That is just a total lack of respect to all the other players in your group and behind you on the course.  This isn’t the PGA and your 5 dollar Nassau is NOT a million dollar paycheck.  If you can’t play in 4 hours and 30 minutes or less, maybe you should try a different sport.
2. Not knowing the basic Rules of Golf – The USGA publishes 2 resources for you. The “Rules of Golf” and the “Book of Rules and Decisions”.  EVERY golfer should own one, if not both, but if you don’t want to spend the money, it’s all available online at www.usga.org .  It’s your responsibility to know the rules and to play by them, especially if you play in any competitive events.
3. Players that don’t tip the staff at the course (or in the clubhouse) – Yes, it is appropriate to tip the staff, especially the cart staff (unless told otherwise).  These people are working for YOU.  Don’t be a cheap SOB and not give them a few bucks even if you don’t have them clean your clubs when you are finished playing.  Personally, I want every single one of these people to know who I am (and tipping is a good way to get remembered – and believe me, they REMEMBER).  Why?  Because if I ever need something, or I have to ask for a favor at the course, I get it it handled, no questions asked.  It’s also good for an “extra” bag of range balls now and then, a free “replay” when I need an emergency nine and sometimes, even a comp round!
4. Players that don’t mark their ball on the green – Seriously, I do NOT want to see your ball when I am putting, it IS a distraction and it’s just poor etiquette.  Please use a SMALL coin or a ball marker.  Don’t use a poker chip, a silver dollar or a trash can lid. (read the rules)  Using a tee to mark your ball is not acceptable.
5. Players that stand directly behind you on back of the tee box, or behind you when you’re putting or behind the hole when you’re putting – Listen, it’s bad enough that I have to look at you all day (just kidding).  I do NOT want to see you when I putt, I don’t want to hit you with my practice swing on the tee so move your ass out of my line of sight like you are supposed to.  And if I do ask you politely to “move” please remember that for the next 17 holes.
6. Players that “plum-bob” a 2 foot putt for 3 minutes (see Slow Play, above). – Seriously… you MISS most of those anyway, what good is it to read it down the line for 3 minutes when you’re already putting for double bogey?  Quit thinking about it, step up, hit the putt (there’s a lot to be said about “over thinking” a short putt).
7. Players that walk all over your line (and the “through line”) on the green. – This is just rude.  You NEVER want to walk on a players INTENDED line to the hole AND past the hole.  Watch how carefully the pro’s maneuver around the green to make absolutely sure they do not tread on a players line to or past the hole.  Also look at how carefully they look around when they go to pull the ball out of the hole (making sure they do not step on any of the other players’ lines).
8. Players that carry a handicap but don’t post their scores (or they only post the ones that will benefit their handicap) – Liars, cheaters, sandbaggers, whatever you want to call them.  This one should chap the ass of every player that posts all their scores and understands this is a REQUIREMENT, not an option.  I hate playing with a “17” that goes out and shoots a 79 and claims it was “my best round ever”, takes my money because I had to give the sandbagger strokes and then he never posts the score.  These are the same guys that usually don’t know the Rules, don’t tip the staff, talk in your back-swing, play as slow as a snail and use a foot-wedge when no one is looking.  This is about “CHARACTER”…
9. Players that don’t fix ball marks on the greens, sand divots in the fairway or rake bunkers properly after playing a shot. – Again, just blatant lack of respect for the course and the players on it.  You should ALWAYS try and make the conditions better than you found them.  It’s OK for YOU to get pissed off about a poorly raked bunker or the ball marks on the green but then you don’t fix your own pitch mark or an extra one or rake the bunker to be as smooth as a baby’s ass when YOU are done.  Ever notice that the worse the bunker shot, the poorer the job a guy does raking the sand?
10. Players that think the golf course is an extension of their office.  TURN OFF YOUR FLIPPIN CELL PHONE!  I don’t want to hear it ring.  I don’t want to wait for you to get off your F’n phone so you can hit.  I don’t give a rats ass about the order that got stuck in China and i don’t want to hear about it after you hang up.  I don’t want an explanation as to “why”
11. This is an “extra”: Always look your best!  Please don’t show up with your cap on backwards, your shirt untucked and your shoes unpolished or full of mud.  We all deal with enough slobs in our day-to-day life.  I don’t want to play with one for 4 hours.  What’s that old saying? “Look like you belong where you are”